Sex can be an incredibly enjoyable and fulfilling part of life, but it's essential to prioritize both your emotional and physical well-being during these intimate encounters. Creating a culture of safety around sex is paramount to ensuring a positive and satisfying sexual experience. Here are three key areas to consider when planning for safe sex:
1. Substances and Safe Sex
Mixing substances and sex can be an intriguing and exciting experience when done with careful consideration. However, it's crucial to approach this combination responsibly to maintain safety and well-being. Implementing a buddy system when you're heading out for the evening is an excellent way to create accountability and ensure your safety. If this approach doesn't appeal to you, consider planning ahead.
Developing a safety plan can significantly reduce anxiety and provide you with a sense of control. Instead of dwelling on "what ifs," focus on your preparations and precautions. Individuals dealing with anxiety are two to three times more likely to develop a substance use disorder, and substances have the potential to exacerbate anxiety.
It's essential to recognize that alcohol is a depressant, meaning it slows down your entire nervous system. While it can help you relax, it may also hinder your ability to experience bodily sensations fully. Engaging in sexual activities while intoxicated might feel good in the moment, but it often leads to mixed feelings the following day.
When it comes to substances like cannabis, they can reduce stress and anxiety, potentially enhancing sensory experiences. However, the effects of drugs can vary from person to person. If you're not familiar with a particular substance, refer back to your safety plan and be prepared to discontinue use or seek assistance if you start feeling unwell.
Experimenting with drugs and alcohol is not inherently problematic, but understanding the risks involved is crucial. When the pleasurable neurotransmitters are flowing, it becomes easier to disregard your plans and safety measures.
To bolster your safety plan, consider the following:
- Set a limit on the number of drinks you'll consume throughout the evening.
- Stick with a friend when going out and make arrangements to return home together, even if you meet someone new.
- Activate your location tracker on your phone and request that your friends call you at a designated time.
- Ensure your phone is fully charged before going out.
- If you decide to try a new drug, commit to experiencing it solo first to assess its effects.
- Always carry condoms and consider having water-based lubricant on hand (note that oil-based lubricants may not be compatible with certain condoms).
2. Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)
Sexually transmitted diseases (STIs) remain a valid concern, and no one is immune to the potential risks they pose. Some STIs, such as herpes, HIV/AIDS, and genital warts, have no cure and are easily transmitted. While most forms of sexual protection are not 100% effective, using latex condoms and female condoms (like dental dams) can significantly reduce the risk of transmission during penetrative sex, oral sex, anal sex, or any form of sexual contact.
Rather than crossing your fingers and hoping for the best, make safer sex a standard practice from the outset. Discuss expectations and boundaries with sexual partners before engaging in sexual activities. While it may seem unsexy and taboo to talk about sexual health beforehand, imagine how it could shift your perspective. What if someone approached you and said:
"Hey, I was tested last week, and I wanted to share my test results with you. I hope you'll do the same."
Such an approach might surprise you and garner respect, ultimately enhancing your sense of safety and connection. Recognize that sex carries different risks for women, making the need for security paramount. Address sexual health openly before becoming physically intimate, and if nervous, practice these conversations in advance.
If you have an STI and are concerned about disclosing it to a partner, know that you are not alone, and your worth is inherent. You can still enjoy great sex while managing your condition. Practice how you would like to share this information with a trusted friend or therapist. Learn about safer sex strategies that can reduce the risk of transmission, and let go of the outcome.
The more you practice these discussions, the more your confidence grows, making it easier to address sexual health without shame. If someone dismisses your efforts to practice safe sex, consider it a red flag. If they cannot respect your health, they may not be a suitable partner to engage with intimately.
3. Embrace Your "No"
In the realm of consensual sex, the rule is simple: consent is key. You have the absolute right to stop any sexual encounter the moment you feel pressured, unsafe, uncomfortable, or simply uninterested. Accessing your "no" is essential, particularly in challenging situations where boundaries may be loose.
If you're engaging with someone for the first time or are feeling unwell due to excessive drinking, take a moment to check in with yourself. Remember that sex should never be obligatory.
Learn to listen to your body's internal cues. This practice is called interoception, shifting your focus from eyesight to insight. Anxiety often serves as your body's warning system, signaling potential threats. Do not ignore these instincts; instead, strive to understand your body's triggers. If anxiety is preventing you from enjoying sexual activities you desire, consider seeking guidance from a sex therapist, as sexual concerns and anxiety frequently intersect.
Do not feel ashamed for asserting your boundaries at any point before or during sex. Concerns about coming across as hostile or disinterested can be rooted in societal expectations of being agreeable and likable. These expectations often affect women, leading to a learned response to appease others. Try practicing boundary statements, and over time, they will become more natural.
Achieving great sex doesn't have to be an unattainable ideal. Start by creating a culture of safety around sex, allowing you to feel comfortable enough to fully enjoy the experience. If you find yourself struggling in this endeavor, know that professionals trained in mental and sexual health care, like those at Modern Intimacy, are available to provide guidance and support. Safe, satisfying, and enjoyable sex is within your reach.
