You need to talk about sex
I don’t mean sex talk before getting down to do the dirty. Talking about sex doesn’t have to be sexy talk or dirty talk. Sex, I admit, is for pleasure and procreation. But before you get down to doing the nasty, you should do the needful and have a quick conversation. Many feel uncomfortable having a mature conversation before having sex. Don’t shy away from getting all the information you need before getting naked in front of your partner.
So, where do you begin?
1. Start off with your preferences
Not everybody likes it rough in the sack. If she is loudly moaning, she might not want a harder pounding. But men might take your loud moans to be an encouragement to go harder and faster; which you might not like. Before having sex, let him know what you are into. If you like it rough or vanilla sex is what you like more, if you are into oral, if you are willing to perform fellatio – things like that.
2. To use or not to use?
Your safety is your responsibility is a very motherly thing to say but mothers are always right. Girl, if you are going to get laid tonight, the foremost thing you need to make clear is whether or not you want to use protection. Even though condoms are not bullet proof, you should use them. When it comes to sex, safety and protection should trump over fun.
3. Are you tested?
Applies to both men and women. Sure, this is not the sexiest conversation you can have and I have seen people getting offended by this question. But it is better to be safe than sorry. Ask your man if he has gotten tested for STD or STI in the last six months. Even if you do have the conversation, there are chances he might not be telling the truth or has something he doesn’t know about. Nevertheless, trust your partner and have this conversation and pray there isn’t anything that will crop up later.
4. What’s going to happen the morning-after?
Yes, sex is about living in the moment and going for it. Nevertheless you need to talk about the exclusivity of the relationship. Will he make a run out of the door the first thing in the morning after sex? Or will he buy you coffee and make breakfast in bed. This is to manage your expectations out of it. Sex is emotional for some and for some, it is just physical. Talk about whether you two want a relationship or just sex. What might be just a physical act for you, might be emotional for him. Make sure you both are on the same page.
This goes without saying. Verbal consent should be given before getting into the act. If you want to do it, make sure you ask your partner if he is in the same mind space as you are. “Yes, I want to have sex with you tonight” or “No, let’s wait” is good enough for consent.