Achieving better sex is a deeply personal endeavor that begins with you. Sexual growth can be stunted at any point in our lives, leaving us feeling unfulfilled, uneducated, or simply unsatisfied. The path to sexual satisfaction requires introspection, patience, and a willingness to challenge societal norms and personal beliefs. In this guide, we will explore how you can embark on a journey to have truly great sex this year and beyond.
Redefine Your Concept of Sex
Let's start by expanding our definition of sex. If we limit it to mere intercourse and genital-focused activities, we overlook the vast spectrum of possibilities that exist. In a survey of over 6,000 individuals, more than 41 unique combinations of "what is sex" were revealed. By viewing sex as a sacred, energetic exchange, we can unlock a world of pleasure and enlightened sexual experiences.
Diversify Your Sources of Fulfillment
Often, we attempt to fulfill all our needs and desires through partnered sex. However, it's essential to understand that sex serves various needs, including gentleness, spirituality, affection, tenderness, connection, and love. Instead of placing all these needs on sexual intimacy, consider how they can be met through other activities and relationships, whether platonic or romantic. By reducing the demands placed on sex, there's less pressure when it's not happening.
Cultivate Sexual Energy without Demands
Constantly asking for sex can commodify it, turning it into a transaction rather than a shared experience. Learning to cultivate sexual energy without expectations allows both you and your partner to naturally become interested in engaging sexually. This approach eases your partner into the experience rather than surprising them with advances. Let go of the need for hypersexual energy and embrace a more gentle, yin sexuality.
Master the Art of After Play
Research emphasizes the significance of the post-sex afterglow in intimacy, sometimes outweighing the importance of reaching orgasm. Prioritize feeling connected to your partner over intense moments. If you're in a non-traditional relationship, inquire about your partner's emotional needs, especially if they're returning to another partner or you won't see them for a while. In monogamous relationships, explore activities like bathing together, fetching water for your partner, or simply enjoying each other's presence.
For those open to exploring alternatives, non-monogamous relationships can enhance your sex life. It's common to react with "I could never do that; I'm too jealous," but jealousy, like all emotions, is neither inherently good nor bad. You can learn to manage it effectively. For some individuals with specific erotic desires, inviting others into the relationship can fulfill unmet needs.
Embrace Planned Intimacy
Scheduled sex allows for responsive desire, giving the sexual response cycle time to develop fully. Responsive desire is predominant in many long-term relationships, particularly among women. Instead of interpreting a lower libido partner as having a deficiency in sex drive, seek to understand their unique desires and engage in planned sexual encounters that prioritize extensive foreplay.
Indulge in Self-Expansion
Devote time to self-expansion, including novel sexual experiences, which is linked to higher relationship satisfaction, increased sexual desire, and lower sexual distress. Planned intimacy can introduce novelty through new sexual activities, such as enrolling in a Shibari rope-tying course, exploring different sex positions, experimenting with sex toys, engaging in erotic conversations throughout the day, or planning a kinky scene together.
Learn to Say No
Consent is vital, and you have the right to say no to sex at any moment. Consent can change from one moment to the next, and you never owe anyone sex. As you redefine your relationship with sex, pay attention to your yeses and noes. For example, if sex is painful, it's an unequivocal no. If you've experienced sexual trauma, your body might signal alarm when you feel unsafe. Working with a sex therapist can help you process trauma and regain comfort.
Prioritize Solo Sex
Solo sex doesn't solely mean masturbation; it's about learning to connect with your own body, which can empower you to communicate your desires more effectively with partners. Start by exploring your fantasies or discovering your erogenous zones. Focus on sensations rather than the end goal of orgasm. Solo sex has the potential to become some of the best sex you'll ever have.
Embrace Your Unique Sexual Expression
Stop comparing your sex life to others'. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to sexuality, and no right or wrong. As Alfred Kinsey wisely noted, "the only unnatural sex act is that which can't be performed." Embrace your personal sexual expression, unburdened by societal expectations.
In conclusion, the pursuit of a better sex life is a deeply personal journey that requires action rather than mere wishful thinking. Avoid blaming yourself for your current relationship with sex and instead embrace the exploration of your desires. Remember that