Sleeping with someone for years without knowing what her preferences are. Regarding sex, this is a problem that many couples have.
A friend who left a comment last week mentioned that
"Married to my husband has been several years, every time I have sex with my husband in these years, he has the same order, programmed ......
Never explored the topic of how to improve the quality of your sex life with him and wondered how others have opened up?"
01 Express your principles
Probably many people have similar problems and want to communicate, but there is no specific way to do it. A practiced and successful method is given here.
Before a couple gets married, have them each write out their needs and their bottom line for sex on a piece of paper.
The paper is a list about the kind of sex you can accept and the kind of sex you want, listed like this.
- On the bed principle, what you want:
Have foreplay, preferably more than 5 minutes
The most sensitive parts of the body are, in order: ears, chest, thighs ......
Favorite part to be teased: bite the ear
Accepted/desired forms of sex: hand + fun stuff, oral sex, light SM (e.g. tied hands)
Fill in the principle: treat each other sincerely
02 List what you want
The boys wrote 21 items on the paper and the girls wrote only 7. After reading the boys' content the girls added 5 more items.
The boy wanted to include various sexual positions, including one "anal sex", which the girl said she could not do. Finally, she said, "If he really wants it, he can try it."
The girl wants, there is a "must sleep in a blanket, pillow his arm to sleep". The boy said he realized for the first time that sleeping under one comforter was so important. "Sleeping in a nest is fine, but pillowing your arm overnight won't do it."
Just like this to the two people each want, a pair down, know what the other likes the way is, know what the other's bottom line is.
Tapping into what you really want in bed is the first step to living a quality sex life.
03 List what you can do
In the second step, they were both asked to list what they could do again.
- On what you can do:
Wearing condoms/oral contraceptive pills/use of erotic devices
Help each other masturbate
Sexual style: give him/her oral sex, light SM (tied hands)
Fill in the principle: treat each other sincerely
Fill in the process, has been stressed that "this relates to the happiness of the next few decades, and may even affect your marriage, fill in the principle must be sincere, true."
Regarding what they can do for each other, the boys' choice is that they can't accept oral sex for girls, but among what they want, there is this one.
The boy slowly learns that girls accept a wider range than he does.
The couple has been happily married and has a very harmonious married life.
This "list of needs to explore the bottom line" method is not only suitable for people who are going to get married, but also for couples or people who have been married for many years. As long as you still have unspoken thoughts in your mind, you may want to try it.
With this kind of frank discussion, you will find that communication is not difficult.
You can keep adding up when exploring, such as being responsible for doing chores for a year, can you do a certain thing, a little bit to come, there is always something new to discover. Maybe what you want is exactly what he/she is looking forward to.
