Daaaaaang, check out that girl’s perfectly rounded philosophical worldview.
My goodness, look at that silky, flowing dissertation on the galvanic conductivity of electrolytes.
I heard from my cousin that he has the city’s longest and thickest literary analysis of Ulysses.
If dating sites and apps are to be believed, you’d hear stuff like this every day. Self-identifying as a sapiosexual, someone who’s attracted to intelligence, has become a firmly established trend in dating lately, a significant step considering the word was largely unknown before 2015.
But will typing “sapiosexual” in your profile really make online dating work for you? We’ve covered the pros and cons of chasing cerebral.
Pro: Intellectual attraction lasts longer
Have you ever found someone mind-blowingly hot but then lost the attraction after sleeping together? Have you ever had an enriching, long-term relationship with someone who was your friend in addition to being your romantic partner?
If you’ve had a few years of dating experience, these two scenarios might seem all too familiar. Physical attraction might feel more passionate at first, but it also fades quickly. As the ancient Chinese philosopher Laozi said, “The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long.”
Dating someone intelligent means you’ll be able to find things to talk about after the sex, though ideally you’ll find both looks and smarts.
Con: It’s a rather closed-minded viewpoint
“I won’t date a man whose IQ is lower than mine” is like saying, “I won’t date a man shorter than 5-foot-10.” Not only is that a bit discriminatory, but you’re also preemptively cutting out some options that otherwise could be everything you’re looking for — like the 5-foot-8 Zac Efron.
Of course if you’re a sapiosexual, you could sell yourself short by only dating dummies. But you shouldn’t rule out potential partners because they can’t name as many Shakespeare plays as you or because they enjoy Adam Sandler movies. It’s important to have an open mind.
Pro: High IQ is linked to high libidos
A study from the Medical Daily theorized that smarter people have higher sex drives, though they have less sex with actual people. The somewhat ambiguous study showed people with higher IQs buy more sex toys. But other variables could be at play. Smarter people might be more curious about trying sex toys or find them easier than dating less intelligent people.
Still, it’s an interesting theory, and one that coincides with a more definitive study about how smarter people have fewer sexual partners. Either way, sapiosexuals will find partners more eager and willing for some physical attention than their duller counterparts.
Con: There are different kinds of intelligence
Would you rather meet someone who could quote Nietzsche by heart or someone who came up with the same ideas on his or her own, without ever having read a philosophy book?
Wit, street smarts, life experience, and emotional intelligence all manifest in ways different from traditional intelligence. Although you can quiz people on Shakespeare or see (stalk) where they went to college, you can’t easily discover their unique perspectives on the world or what they learned from specific events in their lives.
On top of that, traditional intelligence can often be attributed to nothing more than having an excellent memory. What’s so sexy about that?
Pro: Men with higher IQs have stronger sperm
Isn’t it interesting how scientists are always doing studies to prove how sexually superior smart men are? This study, from the University of New Mexico, showed men with higher IQs had both healthier and more plentiful sperm. That’s great news for a sapiosexual who wants a baby — and another feather in the cap of intelligent men.
Con: Identifying as a sapiosexual is a fad
It’s easy to say you’re a sapiosexual. But given a choice between smart and scrawny or handsome and dumb, who are you really going to go home with? To publicly announce yourself as a sapiosexual makes you seem smarter, a fact that caught on quite quickly with people who are desperate to seem smart.
At this point, sapiosexual is a buzz word, so you have to be careful when using it. If you’re a genuine sapiosexual, you might cast yourself in the same group actual intelligent people know to avoid.
Pro: It 0pens a lot of new doors
Just like the other dating rules that don’t apply anymore, dating someone for looks, money, or other superficial reasons is a concept that’s fading away. Those who once lived by the conventional ideas of attraction sooner or later learn from their mistakes. Many downtrodden daters have taken up the mantle of “I’m going to try something new.”
Sapiosexuals can cast away the old ideals that failed at finding them happiness. Instead, they explore new methods of attraction they’ve never considered before. It’s the embodiment of the anonymous inspirational quote, “Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it.”
Con: Lonerwolf quiz ruined the term
At the height of the sapiosexual craze, Lonerwolf released a so-called “Sapiosexual Test” that ended up going viral. That problem is the test was so poorly crafted it bastardized the very idea of the sapiosexual.
Each question is pretty much a different rephrasing of the question: “Do you find intelligence attractive?” But the internet, being what it is, made the test wildly popular. It justified thousands of hopeful daters jumping on a bandwagon that, despite its best intentions, completely veered off course.