1. What makes me worry about my sexuality?
It's completely natural to have questions and concerns when considering new sexual positions, exploring sexual fantasies, or engaging in various forms of sexual intimacy. These concerns may revolve around hygiene, physical safety, or ethical considerations. It's important to carefully reflect on what specifically is troubling you about the sexual activity in question.
Does that look gross?
If you find a sexual activity to be gross or unappealing due to concerns about sanitation, it's important to consider potential solutions to make it more hygienic. Addressing the sanitation issue can alleviate some of the concerns. However, you may still experience an "ick factor" in your mind, which can be challenging to overcome.
It's worth noting that people have different comfort levels and boundaries when it comes to sexual activities. For example, some individuals might initially struggle with oral sex because they have reservations about its proximity to bodily functions like urination. These feelings are valid, and it's essential to remember that personal preferences can change over time. Being open to new experiences and revisiting your boundaries is entirely okay, as long as it's consensual and mutually enjoyable for both partners.
Are you concerned about your personal safety?
As people age, it's true that they may experience changes in mobility and physical flexibility. Some sex positions may become less comfortable or accessible, especially if you're not as physically active as you used to be. Safety and comfort are essential considerations during any sexual activity, and it's important to prioritize your well-being.
Exploring new sexual experiences, such as anal sex, requires clear communication, trust, and consent between partners. If you're unsure about trying a specific activity, it's perfectly acceptable to enter into the experience with the understanding that it might not work out or that you may need to make adjustments. It's essential to maintain open and honest communication with your partner to ensure that both of you are comfortable and safe during your intimate moments. If something causes discomfort or pain, it's crucial to communicate and make changes as needed to protect your physical well-being.
Are you concerned about morality?
It's important to recognize that views on what is considered morally acceptable in the context of sexual activity can vary greatly depending on cultural, religious, and personal beliefs. While some actions, like adultery, may be universally considered morally problematic by many, other sexual acts are subject to individual interpretations.
Many people turn to their faith or religious texts, such as the Bible, for guidance when considering moral questions related to sex. Personal prayer and seeking spiritual guidance can help individuals find clarity on such matters. It's essential to remember that individuals may have different interpretations of religious teachings, and one's personal relationship with their faith plays a significant role in these decisions.
Your parents' advice, emphasizing that as long as the sexual activity is consensual, respectful, and does not involve a third party, it is generally considered acceptable, reflects one perspective on this matter. Ultimately, making decisions about what is right or wrong in the context of sexual activity should involve open communication, mutual consent, and respect within a relationship. If a particular sexual act makes you uncomfortable or goes against your personal values, it is entirely acceptable to express your boundaries and preferences in your relationship.
2. Why do you or your partner want to try a new position?
Understanding the motivations behind trying new intimate activities with your spouse is indeed crucial for a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship. It's important to differentiate between healthy curiosity and the desire to explore new experiences that can enhance intimacy and excitement in your relationship and any unrealistic expectations that might be fueled by media portrayals of sex, such as in pornography or romantic novels.
Media often presents a distorted and sensationalized view of sex that doesn't accurately represent the complexities and realities of human sexual experiences. What is depicted in movies, books, or porn can be far from the norm and might not be enjoyable, feasible, or comfortable for most people.
Instead of chasing after unrealistic depictions, it's beneficial to focus on exploring sexual activities that genuinely enhance your connection with your spouse, bring pleasure, and maintain open and honest communication about desires and boundaries. Engaging in conversations and activities that promote trust, respect, and emotional intimacy can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship.
Trying new positions and experimenting with your partner can indeed be a fun and exciting part of a healthy sexual relationship. It's essential to approach these experiences with an open mind and clear communication to ensure both partners are comfortable and enjoying the process.
Tips for trying new positions
Here are some additional tips to consider when trying new positions:
Open Communication: Talk openly with your partner about your desires, boundaries, and expectations. Make sure both of you are on the same page and comfortable with the idea of trying a new position.
Take Your Time: Go at a pace that works for both of you. Experimenting with new positions should be a gradual process. Don't rush; enjoy the journey of exploration.
Use Lubrication: Sometimes using lube can make trying new positions more comfortable and pleasurable.
Practice Patience: Understand that not every new position will be a perfect fit from the start. Be patient, and don't be discouraged if it takes a few attempts to get comfortable with a new position.
Prioritize Each Other's Pleasure: Focus on mutual pleasure and connection rather than performance or achieving a specific goal. Sometimes the journey and connection are more important than reaching a specific outcome.
Safety and Comfort: Ensure that the new position is safe and comfortable for both partners. Avoid positions that cause discomfort or pain.
Post-Play Conversation: After trying a new position, have a post-play conversation to discuss what you enjoyed, what you might want to change, and what you'd like to explore next.
3. Does sex make you feel good about yourself?
Sex is meant to be a fulfilling experience for both partners, underpinned by respect and mutual enjoyment. It's a gift from God, designed to strengthen the bond between a husband and wife. If any aspect of a sexual encounter leaves one or both partners feeling degraded or uncomfortable, it's essential to reconsider and explore alternative options. No one should ever walk away from a sexual experience with their spouse feeling shame or a diminished sense of self-worth.
My suggestion is to be discerning about the experiences you choose to engage in. If you have a strong sense that a particular activity will leave you with negative feelings, it's perfectly acceptable to decline. You don't have to feel pressured to try everything you come across. Instead, focus on finding activities that you genuinely believe will bring pleasure and joy to both you and your spouse, and then discuss and explore these together.
4. Do you feel compelled?
Encouraging your spouse to explore their sexuality within the bounds of your marriage is a healthy and positive aspect of a relationship. However, coercion or persistent pressure to engage in activities that make your spouse uncomfortable can be extremely detrimental. If you find yourself in a situation where your spouse is continuously pushing you to participate in something you've consistently declined, it's crucial to ask both yourself and your spouse, "Why?"
Explore the reasons behind your reluctance or your spouse's insistence. This open dialogue can help unearth the underlying motivations and concerns on both sides. In cases where there is a particular physical activity that you're fixated on but your spouse is hesitant to try, it's equally important to engage in this discussion. It's about understanding each other's perspectives, desires, and boundaries.
Ultimately, if either you or your spouse is genuinely uncomfortable with a particular form of physical intimacy, it's vital to respect those feelings and consider temporarily or permanently setting aside that particular act. This doesn't mean the door is permanently closed; over time, you may revisit the topic and find new ways to connect intimately that work for both of you. What's essential is that both partners feel comfortable and consensual in any sexual activity.