I consider myself to be a well-educated person with a lively and open mind, but whenever I talk about sex with others I unconsciously avoid it and even feel shy and uncomfortable. I believe I am not the only one who feels this way, and this is what we call sexual shame. As a modern person who has experienced sexual liberation our attitude towards sex should be confident, well-adjusted and passionate about the topic. How to transcend ourselves to overcome sexual shame is a pressing issue.
What is sexual shame?
Sexual shame is the uneasiness or embarrassment that may arise when you think about or want to express your sexuality. Examples include feeling uncomfortable seeing a sex scene in a movie with family or friends; feeling offended when you receive a sex toy from your partner; apprehension when trying new sexual positions with your husband; though sexual shame can also be a stress response to sexual trauma and physical or emotional abuse. Feelings such as these that are uncomfortable or even repulsive about sexuality are what we call sexual shame.
It's a psychological problem.
We often say that religious culture and politics largely influence how we feel about sex, and I don't deny that influence; it does exist. But I offer a bit of a different perspective: it's really a universal psychological problem.
Most people are strict with their own and will have a hard time accepting certain behaviors certain statements about themselves. You can make yourself a natural adult without sexual obsessions by simply adjusting your acceptance of yourself, allowing yourself to be relaxed with yourself, and allowing yourself to feel that you are acceptable.
At some point we get curious about the opposite sex about our bodies and feel sexual pleasure for the first time this is not sinful. It's normal to tell yourself not to care, that it's okay. In a sense this is a positive mental note. And sexuality is one of the most personal and vulnerable things we need to express. Any bully knows that the best way to destroy someone is to humiliate its sexuality. But have you ever thought that if you're open enough about your sexuality, there's nothing he can do to hurt you? All sexual shame is something you impose on yourself, so stop doing such stupid things.
The link between shame and sexuality
A survey of 1,055 women found that more than half of the respondents said that deep down they wanted to talk positively about sex with their partners, but for various reasons they kept their mouths shut and repressed their sexual desires. Obviously this lack of intimate communication can limit sexual fulfillment for both partners.
The so-called shame is the main reason that makes them avoid sexual communication. Some women think that making some requests in bed will make their partners think that they are sluts, and out of the desire to maintain their image, they never make their real needs known, choosing instead to give the initiative to their male partners. Others say that fear of embarrassment is the reason why they avoid sexual communication. Another thing is that some people are not worthy of how to appropriately put forward their sexual demands.
Sexuality and shame are contradictory in themselves, everyone's sexuality is natural, it's a normal human behavior. It's not a good sign if you're ashamed of your normal sexuality.
How to overcome this feeling: 5 tips
Reinventing the right sexuality
I know it's hard, especially for kids who have been raised in conservative religious homes. From a young age, they are taught that premarital sex is sinful, and it doesn't take a day or two to reshape this idea that has long been embedded in the body. Since it's a long-term process, start by keeping a diary where you can think about issues related to sex, record your thoughts, and even record your sexual desires and pleasures. This kind of thinking will subconsciously change your values and can be a major help in reshaping the right concept of sex.
Embrace your desires
Don't be repressing your sexuality, let it out. Masturbation is a great way to embrace your libido, you can enjoy sexual pleasure in an environment that is free of judgment, shame, and embarrassment, where you can focus on the sensations in your body and feel the beauty of sex. The environment is important, give yourself a space to be quiet and alone, light some candles, play some music and get yourself into the mood. Or choose a sex toy of your choice like our Tulip Vibrator or Space Cloud Suck Vibrator.
Practice open communication
All your worries, concerns, and fears are the root cause of shame, and since they like to hide in the shadows, it's all the more important to bring them out into the open. Having an honest conversation with your partner about your desires, needs and even sexual dysfunctions can not only improve your relationship but also reduce or even eliminate your feelings of shame.
Cultivating self-compassion
While external empathy is influential, turning that empathy inward can also help eliminate shame. There are times when self-appreciation may seem a bit egotistical and self-absorbed to others, but these are actually important for you to embrace your sexuality and make authentic connections with others. You might consider making a list of body parts that you find more satisfying, or investing in a sex toy for self-gratification to remind yourself of your innate worth.
Self Education
Have you noticed that our traditional sex education focuses overwhelmingly on issues such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, while resources to teach people about self-exploration and pleasure-seeking are largely missing? The good news is that sex education resources are now more plentiful and accessible than ever before, especially when it comes to adult sex education. You can find many useful resources on the Internet that won't make you feel uncomfortable and can help you learn more about yourself and dispel doubts about yourself.
